“But experiences fade. Sameness will have it’s day, every day. We wake every morning pretty much the same as we were the day before, because that’s how we like it, and because anything else would be scary.” Maybe that is what cancer does to you… it pours you into experience and re-defines sameness. It is more than scary, it is a wake-up call on steroids.
Just hold on one damn minute… There is nothing “out there” doing anything except what it should be doing… Blowing, shining, whirring, chirping, rustling, bumping and bumbling… everything that was happening in me was totally of my own making… OF MY OWN MAKING… well… then if I can be darkness, can’t I be light?
Reality check… take it from me, I’ve been there… Melanoma sucks. You don’t just wake up one day with it… you gather it, tan by tan, year by year, decade by decade… and it comes from UV sources… ALL UV SOURCES… like tanning booths young ladies… Did you ever think of being tan as an addiction? Well, it is… like bulimia, you begin to think you are pale even though you are actually grossly colored… you can never be tan [...]
…I have been to the edge of the abyss and I have peered over its side. I have experienced the possibility of my life’s end, and I understand that when that time comes, it is too late to wish for the things I only dreamed about but never did…
This week... A spouse's Journal, Dick Durrance II
How do we know these things? What is premonition? Fear taking form? Spirits? Jung’s collective unconscious? They are not always right. But sometimes they are. That’s what gives them their power.
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